Our Voices Matter

"Porn destroys and then alienates" by Anonymous, 21

I stayed pure, joyful and confident till I met my first boyfriend early in high school. I was only 14 back then. I always tried to let him know how special he was to me and that he was my first and really put deep efforts into seeking the purist, highest form of pleasure out of the relationship with him.

Then gradually, I began to feel saddened by him. He seemed to be attracted to the sight of very "slutty" looking girls. I really didnít like that. I knew it wasnít my fault to blame, but deep inside, besides the feeling of disrespect and pain, I bitterly, stupidly cursed at myself for not being able to maintain his attention on me. As we grew closer and more intimate, I asked him one day, if he was into those kind of girls or watched any porn. He told me that he didnít because he was simply not interested and explained how porn was filthy.

After the first time I got naked in front of him, I went home and cried. He looked very disappointed in his eyes. Iím a girl with naturally small breasts, and he seemed to be very disappointed in that. What hurt me more was that, gradually, his lie about porn began to reveal, hurting me more than ever.

One time, he went out of his mind, he suddenly asked me if he could rub his organ in between my breasts, then he suddenly realized that my breasts were too small and became silent. He didnít even care to realize how much pain and insult I felt right there. I nearly wanted to cry. At the same time, I began researching about porn and became shocking and desperate by the scenes and nature of porn.

As porn became the silent grudge inside of my heart, I found myself subconsciously going through change. I began to talk more slutty and acted more slutty and each time, as I silently wished that he would ask me what was wrong, he actually enjoyed it more and more. On the inside, I couldnít have felt any more empty, destroyed and shallow.

I didnít want to give up the relationship so easily without trying to get an answer for myself. So one day, after a few years of being with him suffering, I confronted him about his habits. He suddenly confessed to me that, indeed, he had been secretly checking out porn all along because he simply didnít feel that I was enough to satisfy his desires such as drinking from him, letting him dump everything on my face and things that I really couldnít do due to my non-porn star body features. He even said lame excuses like that he thought porn-star bodies were really natural and that some of their faces looked like me. Ok, if they indeed looked like me, then why wasnít I enough. I was too shocked, too hurt, I cried.

When he saw me crying, I could tell that he was feeling bad about it, but somehow, it didnít help me at all. After all these years, he had been lying to me even though I knew about what he was doing, in fact, later on, I even discovered that when he was as younger as a teen, he used to sleep around with stranger girls, which he never told me about.

I have suffered serious pain from a lack of self-esteem that there used to be times where each day, I walked outside, seeing other girls dressed up explosively nearly forced me into tears and heading back home. Iíve always had my fragile dignity to hold onto, I really just couldnít afford to let myself be like them, but how can guys be so superficial?

Before I broke up with him finally, I already couldnít feel myself normal anymore. No matter how much he tried to change, love-making no longer seemed meaningful to me. Each time, I would be left feeling emptier than ever. Once, I thought love and sex were one, but porn has cruelly disintegrated them that I donít even feel that sex in my future marriage will be so important anymore besides finding a man who can simply provide living to the family.

After reading lots of comments from various porn articles, I feel very sorry for the way this world is heading. So many people are still in deep denial over the harmfulness caused by porn. So many people argued that porn has existed as long as human-beings have. Well, have they thought of how porn now has been supported and broadcasted with the help of high technology and is more accessible than ever? Do they know that porn robs away a lot of peoplesí rights of not wanting to see them in the first place, yet they still are around in more obvious ways then ever? Do they know that sexual desire is only among a bunch of other desires every human being has and that it isnít something that should be liberated this way?

Do they not know that, the healthy union of families is one of the very basic fundamental components to the existence of this society, this world and humankind? But look at this world now, sex is used as a form of abused power everywhere, everyday. How does this world expect a man to be bonded intimately righteously to his wife and his family faithfully when thereís porn and the negative consequences of porn on every woman and girlsí individual actions around everywhere?

Indeed, the society is going destructively in this manner on its own. A lot of people have either grown ignorant, hypnotized or simply suffering silently still. The media only continues to advertise and create more garbage to fulfill peopleís impossible wishes which were first created by the media itself, rather than offering any real useful services or products that would lead people into healthier lifestyles, relationships and so on... It isnít as if people wonít have any more problems in any other form without all these wasteful crap alone.

This is all I have to say, I hope more people can speak out their stories and hopefully, we can all work together to make this difference.

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