Our Voices Matter

Testimony by Anonymous

I was 18 just left school, (with straight A's) and started living with my cousin, I decided to take a year off before I started University, I began dating a boy who was just using me for sex, he used to watch pornography with me (although he claimed he never looked at it, I was more attractive) He also told me I was immature for thinking porn was gross, I began to believe he was right. but once I got pregnant he dropped me like that.

I was quickly running out of money, my parents wanted nothing to do with me and so my cousin and I decided we wanted to "leave this town" the only way we could think of (I guess we thought it would be 'exciting') was to reply to an add in the paper.

Now is probably a good time to add that my cousin and I were both sexually abused growing up, me for five years by my step brother, her by her uncle and a kindergarten teacher (male).

Our first day of work meant that we had to wear "sexy" clothes while men picked out who they wanted, as soon as I saw the first guy, I knew that I couldn’t sleep with or do anything of the sort, I told the lady who ran the place, she was supportive and said if I wanted to I could just run the front desk. (I had a pretty innocent face according to her). I also massaged the men before the ladies did their job (back only!).

I lasted a total of two days. My cousin the same, however I saw her have sex with 10 men in those days. She was distraught.

It was the most horrible feeling in the world, and to top it off someone who had an agenda with us (friend of the ex) saw us leave the building and told everyone.

Not only were we scared, used, and alone, but our family would not talk to us about it, we had lost all our friends, could not think of a way to get a job, and from this day on I feel like a cheap horrible worthless person.

I met my Husband the 2nd day of work, he was my reason to leave, he too found out, and does not believe me that I never slept with the men, but why should he?

I caught him watching porn once, and it scared me, I was disgusted, but then I realised I am worse, I worked in place that sold women like rental cars.

I truly wish there was no place for this in the world, all it does is hurt people. I am now completely porn free, my Husband knows that I would leave him if he watched it. I still feel guilty and disgusting though, I cant watch anything with prostitutes without feeling sick, I become friends with my old friends once more, but I still feel awkward talking about it with them.

My husband and I are wanting children, but I am scared that they will find out about my past. abuse, porn, and prostitution have ruined my life. I know have a jaded view of men.

I wish that I could promote this cause in a non-anon way, I am too scared of what people laughing at me "haha look at her, she used to work in a place like that now she is telling me to not watch it!"

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