"The Men That Used Me" by Rebecca Mott
Often when reading or talking about the punters become invisible.
They are not seen as individuals who choose to exploit, but a general mass who cannot be controlled.
I think it is natural for a prostituted woman or girl not to see the individual. When men from all backgrounds degrade her and use violence on her.
But I feel a need to show some of the men that used me. I cannot see them all, because most have become a mass.
I hate that. I hate that men can rape, and I don’t see their faces. I hate that men could torture me, and I do not even know how many men were in the room.
I hate that I was raped for so long by so many men that each man I show is just the tip of the iceberg.
For me, that is the worse effect of prostitution is that my memory has been wrecked.
And all men who used me look the same.
One way I remember is through the staring of men before, during and after they used me.
It was a look where I could not believe in hope. In that stare, I lose that I was human.
I became a sex object.
I feel that look send fear into me. I feel it turning me into an obedient sex toy.
That stare has enter my nightmares.
I want to to see beyond that stare.
I know I was raped by rich African students. Men who were expecting to be rulers.
Sometimes when I view governments from all countries and cultures, I think of the tortures those men put me through.
Men like that made me an anarchist.
Rich men, whether white or black, who choose to be used prostituted women and girls will assume no-one will care or dare to intervene.
They know prostituted women and girls are easy to exploit, for they will say nothing of the rapes and tortures.
But all men that buy women and girls to get an orgasm know they have permission to rape and torture.
They just choose if they want to be gentle, pretend it is a “girlfriend” exchange or act decent.
I was used as an under-aged prostitute by men 20, 30, 40 years older than me.
By using a prostituted girl, they could lie to themselves it was not child rape.
Did I not take the money, drinks or bed that was the exchange.
Most of those men were using under-aged prostitutes because they were easy to manipulate.
I was normally underpaid than, for me I thought £5 was ok. Often I was paid nothing, just given drinks or even sweets.
I had no idea that I could complain about the violence, so men could torture me and know I would be silent.
As I became an “adult” prostitute, there were so many men and I had become so dead inside, that only a few types stand out.
I was raped by old men. Men who appeared weak, and I thought could do me no real harm. Then when raping me, were so strong and torture me for many hours.
I was raped by “friends” who discover I was prostituted, and wanted it for free. Especially, when they found out I did not “mind” sadistic sex.
I was raped by men who thought they were being gentle. Men who imagine I was their girlfriend, that I would marry them.
I was raped in my flat. I was raped behind pubs. I was raped in clubs. I was raped on the street.
Only, it cannot be rape. It was just an exchange of goods.
It hard to write this.
I want that all men who think it is ok to buy women and girls to be judged.
I don’t care about their background. I don’t care if they are rich or poor. I don’t care if are locals or tourists.
Each man that pays money is paying into the sex trade that makes it ok to rape, torture and even murder their product.
So I do hate all men that pay for sex.
Hell, they think all prostitutes are the same, and they judge all prostituted women and girls.
So I will condemn them.Back to Survivor Stories