Our Voices Matter

"Pornography Isn't Harmless" by Anonymous

I'm sharing my story because the world needs to understand that pornography isn't just "okay" and "harmless." Less than a year ago I left a relationship with a man who was (is) addicted to gang-bang and teen themed pornography. Into the beginning of the relationship he seemed to have little regard for my welfare as a woman and pretty much initiated and enjoyed sex even though it was quite hurtful.

Because he was my first actual relationship and he was seven years older, I passed this off as normal behavior for men to treat women this way, after all I had been treated badly when I was younger and I wanted someone to love me even if the "love' was somewhat controlling and disrespectful.

He had two children 9 and 11 and he seemed to be an okay father, except for the fact that he allowed his children to view violent materials for their age. For about one year into the relationship I would find these porno dvds with very young looking girls, like 14 or 15...just made to look very young and their faces looked sad and I confronted him about this and told him it seemed "pedophylic."

He pretended to get rid of them, when in fact he would stop by the adult video store which was selling this very underage looking material and look at it behind my back. He would also get off on ordering from the "fresh" network on cable which consisted of young girls that were "barely legal." I think that after I discovered these things I never could truly trust him, especially when I would bring him around my family and he would make unusual comments and smile at my little 15 year old sister who looked even younger than she was.

When I confronted him about why he looked at porn called "the cutest girls" and "tasty teens" as well as "triple penetration nation" he told me that all guys young and old are checking out 14-20 year olds and it is normal to do so...mind you he is in his 30's. I think the most disturbing thing is he pretended that he was bothered by child pornography, when he himself was looking at the "legal" versions of it.

Luckily we didn't have the internet. In the end, he told me exactly the opposite of what he had been telling me throughout most of the relationship and he would blame it on me for "making a big deal out of nothing." He treated me very cruelly after I found out and was angrier than ever. I am still concerned about his children and wonder with the things I know what he could be capable of.

The truth is it really hurt me and it can really hurt others. From what I know now when a person says that pornography is okay and that it has no harmful effects except "chafing" think again. Think about your daughters, sisters or mothers. Think about the heartbreak it causes or how the people in your life are affected, the women (and girls, very young even) are viewed and treated because of it. It desensitizes the spirit and is tragically addictive.

There should be no excuses made for pornography such as "well, the porn actors made the choice to perform on tape.." Well, guess what? You made the decision to watch it. Even though we are constantly bombarded with images in this society that are highly sexualized, I believe that we can overcome and stand up for what is right and be leaders, not followers.

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